Stefanie (00:00.27)
much of your energy is be the way you're thinking ab where we get the term sp your wheels because you doing, doing, doing, but any headway. It would be drive your car in neutral. it's gonna push and exhaust never gonna go anywhere. A is why you can come to the
Stefanie (00:30.07)
and go, what did I even accomplish? What did I get done? And you're like, I know I was busy. I know I had plenty of things to do. Why don't I feel like I've moved the needle in any direction? You haven't moved the needle in the direction you're seeking to go because you've been too caught up in negative, inefficient, disempowering use of your energy. It is going to be so helpful for you to be able to identify the areas where you are incorrectly thinking about things.
and getting caught in a tailspin, a negative tailspin that is literally sucking the energy from you. It is draining you and you aren't getting the results that you're seeking because you're processing and you're thinking about and you're doing things that just don't serve you. To see if you are ineffectively thinking and misusing your energy, let's pose a series of three questions. When you hear these scenarios, just consider for yourself,
How does this make me feel? Do I ever feel like miserable after a situation like this? And if so, it could quite possibly be that you are ineffectively using your energy in these situations. Do you feel fulfilled or do you feel drained after a conversation with your spouse? Does the conversation leave you feeling energized and excited, more connected, or do you feel like you spent the conversation trying to change them? Tell them how things should be.
Get them to see it your way. And then you leave the conversation and you feel exhausted. Enter a second scenario. Imagine you're trying to improve a skill set. You're trying to learn something new. You're trying to grow a business that you've never done before. And so you spend a lot of time researching methods, looking for ideas, subscribing to other programs, trying to do things the way that somebody else is doing it and modeling your behavior, your activities after what somebody else is telling you. How does that make you feel?
And lastly, consider that you're spending time with your kids. Are you spending a lot of that time correcting them, teaching them how it should be, what they should be doing, and you feel exhausted and you feel drained trying to parent them, but they're not getting it and they just don't seem to cooperate. They're just not behaving the way that they're supposed to. Friend, I can speak so clearly to each and every one of these scenarios because I have done
Stefanie (02:55.774)
all of these multiple times myself. And I can speak with a little bit of humor now because one, I'm aware of that and I can start to identify and catch it, but I don't catch it every time. I'm not perfect. And no matter how much I work towards it, there are still times that I'll get caught with ineffective thinking. And thus I'm doing things that are ineffective uses of my energy. And it disconnects me from the results I'm seeking or the relationships I believe.
The common thread that I hope you'll see in all three of these examples is that you are seeking to create external change around you in others or in the results by internally imposing your viewpoint, your standards, your expectations on other people. Friends, that doesn't work. It is an exhaustive use of your effort and your abilities and your energy.
But if you were trying to create change around you, even in the relationships that you have, the better place to start is inside yourself. We always want to affect change by starting inward. So we can create outer change, believe it or not, you really can impact those around you and you can change your results by changing the way that you are thinking. And when you start from the inside out,
instead of the outside trying to impact it by what you're thinking, then you have a stronger opportunity of making an impact. Especially when you are doing this in a mission-oriented way, you're doing this to serve others, you're doing it in a way that God would model for us in scripture so that we know that what we are trying to do is trying to create positive impact. The reason this is so difficult is because you're working against somebody else's natural programming, they're going to resist you, they're gonna fight back.
and you're not producing results out of your own programming. You're trying to make yourself be like somebody else or follow a model that somebody else gave you. This is what we do with our energy is we are trying to work to this level and we're not there yet. And we're somewhere down this lower level because we're still stuck in the negative perspective and we're still getting ineffective results and we're still stuck in negative thoughts and we're still holding ourselves back. And so we can't get even to that next level.
Stefanie (05:15.51)
What we have to look at is what are we modeling? And we can learn from others, yes, but what we need to do is more effective thinking and that we are embracing who we are and how we're going to show up instead of trying to create a model where we're trying to do everything in our life how somebody else is doing their life. That might work for them or it might nearly not and we don't need to copy it. But what we need to do is we need to follow our own train, our own way of operating.
And this is so important in our society where so many people are really trying to mimic and model the Pinterest lifestyle or the Instagram lifestyle, know, or just things that they're seeing on social media and they're thinking that's the reality of it. Okay. And everything is just roses and daisies and it's wonderful and their kids all get along and they're couples. Like, no, that's just not the reality. Things are just not perfect all the time.
And the way that we know things are not perfect is because we have the opportunity to grow through the challenges that we go through. And we have an opportunity to show up as God designed us in each and every these scenarios to bring our superpowers, our gifts to the table. Learn how to stand in God's power with the way that we are thinking and with the way we are operating. It's important now for you to look at yourself and to see where are you in alignment with the results that you are striving to get? Are you lined up or are you misaligned? Is there a gap?
And if there's a gap between where you're at now and where you want to be, then what you need to realize is there's something wrong with the way that you're thinking. Literally, there is something wrong with the way that you are thinking because the way that we think creates how we're feeling and from our feelings, it's what motivates us and gets us to go take action. The action is what produces all of the results that we have. So if you want to create any kind of change,
then you've got to create a change within yourself and that change begins with how you're thinking. So when you come to the end of the day and you feel exhausted and you feel drained, mentally you are drained and worn out, but yet you don't have the results and you're like, what did I even do? Then it's a good time for you to reevaluate. It's a good time for you to take a look at your thoughts. Maybe it has been spent in hours of overthinking. I would get so caught up.
Stefanie (07:36.104)
So, so, so, so. I cannot even emphasize the amount of so's that should be in the sentence right now, but I would be so caught up in hypothetical thinking, forecasting, imagining what could be, and then if that happened, what was I gonna have to do to respond? And then where was I gonna go from there? And seriously, here I was launching a business and I had zero clients at the time, and I was hypothetically assessing what I was gonna do when I had too many people to handle. What?
But that was the way that I was overthinking. Now, I want to warn you that sometimes we get caught in these traps, especially with those with powerful imaginations. I'm one of those, but my imagination can go into overdrive. It can become overactive if I don't rein it in. And it can do that because that's a part of my subconscious, my internal programming going, wait, what?
You want something to change? You want to do something different we've never done before? Okay, let me help you imagine how it's going to be and it becomes scary, it becomes really big. And then I spin out and I'm overthinking on hypotheticals that haven't even happened. If that is happening to you, you need to try and catch that. And it can become so exhausting when you are caught in the cycle of overthinking and you're not even thinking about things that are even realistic.
that are not even happening or they're things that you think that should be and they're ideals and expectations that maybe you set as a child or you took on from somebody else or you read about it and now you think it should be this way. All of those are tracks. Try and catch the way you're thinking about something and notice where this is happening to you. Catch that trap and get out. The other thing you gotta notice is when you are trying to self-impose.
your viewpoints, your values, your expectations for how things should be on other people. Because that's an effective thinking as well, because that is you, one, trying to force them, trying to make them, and people don't like that. Nobody else wants to change unless they're willing to do the work of changing. You cannot change anybody, and it just doesn't last. And that is so hard for us sometimes as mothers to grasp. If you are a mama and you can relate, raise your hand, because I have
Stefanie (09:55.288)
three children that I am raising and I'm like, okay, when are they going to do what I say to do? Why won't they behave? Why won't they do it this way? And then I'm like, yeah, free will. And do they know what they're supposed to do in this situation? Have I given them the ground rules? Have I guided them in principles that I know that God would want me to give them? Have I done that? And I have to take my hands off the situation and be like, okay, this is up to them now to exercise and to see for themselves.
How are they going to behave? How are they going to handle it? And when it falls apart, do I retaliate? Am I mad about it? Am I attacking them because they have failed to live up to my expectations or am going to help them to take control of their own thinking and to help them realize what kind of results they're seeking to get? It is exhausting. Just even saying it feels a little bit exhausting to me because I'm still in the midst of this in a very big way. And possibly you can relate with that. And so, but
Friend, it is going to be so ineffective for you if you are trying to get your thoughts to go in their brains. Their brains are still developing in so many ways and they can't understand it the way that you can understand it. You want to guide, not try and impose change in somebody else. And that's just in kids, but imagine this with people that you work with and with a relationship, with friendships, with family members, all the different ways that this can be showing up.
just notice where you are trying to impose and create change by making somebody else think the way that you want to think. So let's imagine a scale. At the top is 100 and at the bottom underneath that is a zero. And somewhere in between this scale is where you land. Think about the thoughts that you are having and how it is making you feel. If you are in the single digits or the tens, like there's something that needs to change here. I would even say if it's below fifth,
There's something you need to look at and you need to change because it's not a strong force of energy. You want to elevate the way that you are thinking so that you can change your energy and you can change the results that you are creating. You want to get your energy up higher. It doesn't mean that you can change all the circumstances. It doesn't mean we've changed the people. We've already addressed that. But what you are changing is how you are handling it, how you're perceiving it, how you are thinking about it.
Stefanie (12:18.286)
And that front is where the power can come in. Because now you can start to realize, okay, what power do I have in this situation? I don't have the power to change anybody, nor do I see that as an effective use of my power. But what I can do is I can take a step back and I can look at my own perspective for how I'm approaching this person, how I'm approaching this scenario, how I'm creating these results. And am I standing in my own power? Am I showing up effectively in my own use of my life?
Or am I trying to model it and do it like somebody else? Am I adhering to the shoulds or the hypotheticals or the what ifs? Am I doing it in God's model or am I doing it by somebody else's? These are good questions to start to ask. Friend, this is why I encourage you all the time to get into scripture to understand how God has designed you and how he intends for you to think because taking control of your thoughts
making better use of your energy is going to impact the results that you can get. And thus, you can start to manifest better results that can glorify God. Because God needs you. He knows how you operate best. He has guidelines in place, and he has the wisdom to provide to you to help you to make better choices, to help you to think through these things and actually use your energy more intentionally, more purposely, and get better results.
There are multiple scriptures that can illustrate this, but I want to share one with you from Ephesians chapter one. Ephesians one, four through eight says, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do and it gave him great pleasure.
So we praise God for his glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us along with all wisdom and understanding. That last verse said he showers us with his kindness and all his understanding and wisdom. Friend, do you feel like you're being rained down on, showered upon?
Stefanie (14:39.243)
with these attributes? I challenge that if the answer is no, there's something to look at. There's some ineffective thinking that is keeping you at a distance from God, that is keeping you from the wisdom, the understanding, and the kindness that He intends for you. Now one, it could be that you have yet to have a personal relationship with God, that you have not been drafted into His family, you have not been adopted like it says in these scriptures. And that's why I wanted to read this particular scripture.
because I think it's important that we understand that although we can use the principles that are in the Bible, whether you are a believer or not, the principles are going to work. Let that sink in for a minute because not everybody realizes that, but there are truths that are being put out into the spiritual world and in different practices. And it's just biblical truths that people have taken that they're just saying in a different way and they're using because God's word works and it works for those who use it.
But what we have, if you are adopted into God's family, if you have surrendered and given your life to Christ, if you are a daughter of the Father, do you realize now you have the Holy Spirit and now you can be lit up and empowered in a different way? So one, if you're not feeling that shower experience, if you're not feeling that connection, I need to ask you, do you have true faith? Are you activated, grafted in, adopted into the family of Christ?
That's question number one. Now question number two is if you feel like the answer there is yes, that you are a member of God's family, now I want to ask you, have you activated your faith? I did another video on this and I have a whole training program called Living in Faith that teaches us this. I wrote a book on faith and how we manifest from what we believe and all these different things because this is so important that we realize that it's more than just what we think up here.
Uh-huh. It's more than just what we say that we are a Christian, but it is how we have activated the spirit in us. Friend, are you living activated? Do you have a connection with God? Are you seeking his wisdom so that it can be showered down upon you? Do you understand how he is kind and is willing to give you wisdom and understanding? Do you seek that out? That is a part of creating life-changing manifestations is that you understand the transformation that comes when you act.
Stefanie (17:06.189)
your faith. Okay, take a breath. I got really excited there. My kid goes, why are you yelling? I'm like, I'm not yelling. It's just I'm so excited. I'm really passionate and I want to make sure that you understand this. And so I'm going to bring it back down, bring it back down, bring it back down. But I want you to realize that if something is not feeling activated in you, if you're not feeling this tightness and this connection, if you're not growing in your relationship closer to God than where you were yesterday and in the week past, then there's something that
can be changed and if we create and facilitate that change, if we surrender to God and ask for his wisdom, he will be kind to give it to us and he will empower us to take that next step in our faith. Faith can grow and it can keep growing your entire life. And so friend, I challenge you to step into this, to embrace it and to understand how you are activating your own faith because it's more than just intellectual head knowledge,
It's more than just saying a prayer and just thinking that's it. There is so much more and I hope that you will discover it, you will find it and you will apply it in your life. Friend, I am here to keep encouraging you. I want to keep you developing life-changing manifestations. We are going to change your life and start manifesting better results as you live activated in the Spirit. That is powerful. And we as sisters in Christ, we as women who believe and trust in God,
can change the world. We can do so much with this. If you want a first place to start with this and understanding, I highly recommend you check out my study I did out of Hebrews chapter 11, and that's called Living in Faith. And with that, there's a book I wrote, it is titled Stop Living Within Your Means, because we're going to stop doing things on our own power, stop doing things within our box that we've created for ourselves, and start to create the change that we desire to step out there and to glorify God by the things that we can do.
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