Stefanie (00:00.234)
Are you falling victim to if then thinking? If this happens, then I'll be able to. If only this was the case, then I could do this. You see, that is faulty thinking that keeps you stuck because that's expecting circumstances to be just so. Almost even expecting perfection until you can take that step forward, until you are willing to do the thing.
If then thinking is hurting you and it's becoming the excuse for why you don't have what it is that you say that you want. Statements like, if I had more money, then I could do this. If I had the experience, then. If I wasn't so old, then. If the kids weren't in the way, then, right? These kind of statements, can you hear how limiting these statements are? And yet,
There's so many times that we are saying if-then statements. If-then statements are excuses. Bottom line, if-then statements are excuses. They are ways that are stopping you from doing what it is that you are seeking to do because you're looking for the conditions to be just right. Now I want to give you an understanding of the if-then statement because we can flip it on its head and make it work for us.
If-then statements are used to set up a hypothesis by scientists when they are doing studies. So something like, if I plant this seed, then this will happen. If I water it, then this will happen. And they're using these statements to help them to think about what can happen as they're researching, as they're testing. But what we get caught in is we're using an if-then statement as a one time, it's this or that.
and that's just not gonna help you. This or that thinking locks you into things needing to be perfect and just lined up just so in order for you to take action, in order for you to reap the reward of what it is that you're seeking. But if you can back yourself up and start to think more like a scientist, use the if-then statements to state what you hope will happen, set an expectation.
Stefanie (02:20.344)
but be open, be flexible to see how things can change and how you're not gonna punish yourself if things don't work out the way that you're hoping. If you have a failure, but instead of letting it crush you and going, well, see, if this, then that, and limiting yourself, instead, if you can say, okay, that wasn't a failure, that was a lesson learned. So instead, consider if I can sneak in two hours of work this week and start to write.
Maybe I could publish a book. And you start to see if that's possible. And you start to test your hypothesis. And you become the researcher in your own life. And you start to question the way that things can be. Because what we really want to do, what we learned in last video, is that we want to challenge the way that we're thinking. We want to question and see if it's really true. So instead, we're going to act like little scientists in our lives. And we're going to use these if-then statements.
to question if the way that we're thinking is really true. If I think my kids are the problem, then I'm stuck until they're out of the house. Is that really what I believe is true? Is that really what I want to be true? No! And so then it opens you up to question and say, okay, how can I challenge this? How can I find another way that my kids don't have to be the problem? My kids don't have to be the factor that's stopping me from doing something.
Or what about money? So many people use money as the reason they can't do something. If I had more money, then I could travel. If I had more money, then I could invest in that thing and I could learn the skill to become the business. If I had more money, then I could launch the business of my dreams, whatever it is. And you hear somebody else say, well, yeah, if I had the means that you had, then I could do these things. No, that's the trap. Instead, you want to catch it, you want to notice it, and you want to challenge it.
This is where you're going to be the tester. This is where you're to test it. This is where you're going to be a little scientist and you're going to explore what else could be possible. How could I be exactly where I'm at in life with exactly the same amount of funds that have right now and still make this possible? What kind of challenge comes up for you then? What new opportunities can you start to explore? And if you can't find them, how could you get somebody in your corner to not judge what's going on, but to
Stefanie (04:44.528)
help you see things from a different perspective, a different angle, a different take on things based on their own experience being different, they can open up new opportunities. Now you can be like, okay, I could consider that. I could see a way that this could be possible. And how could I use maybe my creativity to create an alternate income stream that now this becomes possible? How could I use debt, not as a bad thing, but as an opportunity to open up something else? Okay.
I'm just throwing out ideas. I'm not saying things are right or wrong. I'm just throwing out ideas for how you can challenge the way that you're thinking to be a little scientist, to explore the thoughts that you're having, because otherwise they're holding you back. These kind of statements are blanket statements, meaning when you throw the blanket over, all I see is the blanket. It's everything else is hidden from me. But lo and behold, when I can challenge that, when I can clear away that blanket statement, now I can see
what is underneath, what is really there at the root of these thoughts that you can challenge, you can explore, and you can see how you can make your thoughts work for you instead of against you. And the goal of this entire series on your thoughts is to help you to have thoughts that move you forward, that empower you, that lift you up, that get you towards where you want to go in life instead of thoughts that are keeping you stuck.
In thoughts that are keeping you stuck, I'm calling faulty thinking. It's a bad way of thinking. It's like if you had bad wiring that kept short circuiting or even sparking and causing issues in your house, you wouldn't wait till there was a fire and your house burnt down to fix the problem. At least I hope not. You would address the faulty wiring to get it working correctly so that your house could thrive and you could use electricity without fear of being electrocuted. Why are we not doing that with our thoughts?
Our thoughts are literally creating and shaping our entire lives. So we want to find the faulty thinking and address it. We want to fix it. We want to improve upon it. And sometimes it needs rewiring because you've got old rotting wires, right? You've got old rotting thoughts up there and those all need to be replaced. And sometimes it's a big overhaul.
Stefanie (07:03.14)
Sometimes it's just about thought swapping and implanting scripture, implanting positive thoughts that lead you forward. But we want to catch these faulty thoughts that make us believe it's one way when it's really not. And so we want to catch this all or nothing thinking that becomes this blanket statement that hides us from seeing a bigger perspective, hides us from understanding the condition that we're in so we can really address the root of our problem.
address the root of ways keeping us stuck. The other way that you end up in faulty thinking is through excuses. And one of the other things I want to throw out here, a little terminology, are false dichotomies. A false dichotomy happens when you give yourself two opposing options and it's like, it's either going to be this way or it's going to be that way. It's another way of all or nothing thinking. And we can do this with if-then statements like we talked about a moment ago, or we can also do it in other ways. For example,
when people tell you to let go and let God and you're like, what? So either I do it myself and, or I just sit back and relax and let God take over. Friend is not really this or that letting go and letting God take over. Does it mean you just sit back and do nothing? But that's the mindset that some people take on or they put this in the examination of their own career. And I had somebody that I was coaching once and they were like, I cannot leave my job.
or I will not be able to provide for my children. I was like, really, is that really true? Is there not another way in the whole world that there could be another possibility for you to consider here? And she goes, well, sure, sure there is. And she could acknowledge it, but she couldn't accept it. And she wanted to grow her own business. She wanted to pivot in her life, but she was holding herself back because she said, if I do that, I'm not going to be able to pay for my kids' college education. I'm not going to have the benefits that I need to provide for my kids. And I was like,
What if you could earn more doing your own business? Oh, I just can't get there. I can't imagine that being possible. And she was stuck in a false dichotomy thinking she had to stay in the job that she really loathed because it gave her the benefits to provide for her kids, or she could not provide for her kids by creating her own business. And a friend, if you have something like this in your life, it is trapping you in. It is a false dichotomy. It is not legit. It is not a this or that kind of situation.
Stefanie (09:30.46)
It's not the all or nothing thinking that you're making it out to be. And so this is where coaching is really helpful because it can help you to start to identify those thoughts. So you can become aware of them and then you can challenge them and then you can even rewrite them. You can delete them, you can let them go, or you can rewrite them and you can start to move forward with a different way of thinking. And so much of what we are going to do our entire lives is shaped by our thoughts and what we are thinking because our thoughts create how we're going to feel.
And she felt stuck, but she was willing to feel stuck and settled because she was saying, but I feel good about my choice to provide for my kids. And so she leaned so heavily into that instead of seeing what other options were available to her. And my job as a coach is just to help to present this to you, help you to notice where you're at so you can actually make the decision that best serves you and best works for you.
we're going to challenge the way that you are thinking because you've got to be able to see it because seeing it first is that awareness. So you can hear, so you can know how you hear things that other people say. And you're like, why don't they get it? It's because they can't hear it themselves. They have created that belief and it's true to them. And you have the same, you have thoughts that are playing in your head that you fully believe. And my job as your coach is just to help you to see him.
just to help you to observe them and then to challenge them. Is this something that is blocking you from getting to where you want? And so when I do unblocking sessions with clients, it's really just about them releasing these thoughts they have allowed to be truth in their life that has stopped them from getting what they want. If you're not getting what you want in life, it's because there is a thought somewhere in you that is stopping you from having it.
And one of the things that was coming up for me is the reason I couldn't create the videos and put out the content that I wanted. couldn't really, I was creating a lot, but I wasn't publishing because I didn't feel safe to be seen, to be out there. was afraid of what people were going to say and how I was going to be judged. And a big part of that, like Lily goes back to middle school and goes back to even the fourth grade when I moved schools for the first time. And this whole new group of students like completely judged me. And I was like, what just happened?
Stefanie (11:53.786)
because I had a way that I saw myself and all of they saw me at a new school entirely differently. And then I remember it happening again in middle school. And I thought, I can't speak up or people will judge me. And this is one of the things that I had to release. I had to work through this to say, I'm in my forties now and I am much more confident. I am bold in the statement that God wants me to share into the world. And I have developed the skills, the talent, the ability to speak out now. And on top of it,
all of that as if that is not enough. I was so motivated now by the message that I have to deliver to encourage other women to go be the best version of themselves that I was like, how can I not share this message because I'm trapped in an old way of thinking, thinking that if I share my message, I'm going to be judged and I'm going to feel shame and I'm going to shut down. I'm like, I'm not her anymore. I acknowledge what 12 year old me and nine year old me went through and other version of me along the way.
But now I am 44 year old me and I am more empowered and I know that I'm moving forward with God on my side. This is the message that I am to share. This is how I am living out my purpose that he has called me to. So if I'm not willing to go with God, then my goodness, I might as well give up and not do anything. I am willing to go with God. I am willing to be empowered and move forward in his power. And so that was like, okay, I can do this.
And that shift in my thoughts is what opened me up to going strong in how I'm delivering my message and how I'm putting things out. And I'm publishing the message that needs to be shared. I'm writing and I am sharing. I'm publishing weekly videos on YouTube and on my podcast. And I'm publishing my second book and I'm creating and I'm being available to coach women to help support them. And these are things that I have stopped myself from doing in the past because of faulty thinking.
because I was in if-then statements. And I got stuck in thinking I couldn't move forward or I wouldn't be safe. I couldn't move forward or I was gonna be judged and that was gonna hurt. And that was a hurt that I couldn't rise above. These limiting beliefs were holding me back. Friend, I'm expressing this and I'm being honest with you so that you can look into your own life and you can start to notice where these are impacting you. So like I shared in the second video in this series, the goal here is to catch
Stefanie (14:18.068)
thought, become aware of it, and then to challenge it. Really put it to the test to see if it's really true under all circumstances. Otherwise, it's not a truth that you have to hold on to. This is adaptable. And then to challenge the thought, to see where you can find evidence of something else being applicable, being true, being a possibility, whatever it is and how you're challenging the thought.
and then you can adjust it, you can delete it, you can change it out for something else. You can stand in the power that God gives you by thought swapping with scripture and standing into meaningful scripture, applying it into your life to embolden you, to power you up to move forward. Friend, there are new heights for you to achieve. There are new dimensions for you to live out in your life when you make the pivot. It all begins by how you're thinking.
Thanks for joining me for another great episode of Life Changing Manifestations podcast. And I want to invite you, if you are ready to make a pivot in your life and you know that there is more for you, you have this urge inside of you to create something different than you've already experienced, but something is holding you back, it's time to examine your own thoughts. It's time to challenge them and it's time to start taking the action because you're going to allow yourself, you're going to step into this new version of yourself.
And I call this a pivot. What other term better applies here than to pivot, to make a change that is a transformation. We're gonna bring with you the wisdom, the experience, the knowledge you've developed over the last couple of decades. And we're gonna put this into application, but in a new way. The new way that inspires you, that challenges you, that lifts you up to fulfill your purpose. If you're interested in making the pivot and you'd like a support partner to come alongside you,
to guide you, to equip you, and to help you to stay the course, to achieve your goal, check out how you can make the pivot. In great books and movies, they call it the hero's journey, making the progress to evolve from where they are to where they're gonna be. And in every great story, there is a guide. There is somebody there helping to offer a little bit of wisdom, encouragement, support to that hero to help them to go from where they're at to...
Stefanie (16:37.88)
overcome the limiting beliefs and break free to become the better, more empowered version of them that conquers all, to achieve the goal, that wins the prize. Those are the stories that we love. And friend, this can be your story too. You are in your forties and now is a great time to lean on the experience, the knowledge, the expertise that you have built and gained over the last two decades and let's transform this towards the future that you see for yourself.
whatever it is that is guiding you forward that is this nudge to become more, we can make that pivot. I'd be delighted to encourage you to help guide you in this journey. It's one of the things that I have been doing so much over the last four years, this work to transform where I live and how I live, work that I'm doing, the way that I'm living my life and connecting relationships. So many things have completely transformed in the last couple of years. And I'd love to be able to support you in making your pivot.
To discover more information, visit me over at life changing manifestations.com and discover how you can make your pivot. Thank you for joining me for this episode of the podcast. And I'll talk to you next week.
