When you become focused on a problem

As moms, it's so easy to get caught up in focusing on the negative behaviors we want to change in our kids. We zero in on the things that bother us - the ways they fail to meet our expectations and ideals. And when we do this, it causes us more pain than good. 

Why? 

Because of where we place our focus. 

Wherever you focus your attention, that is what you will create more of in your life. 

All because your super savvy and very intelligent brain wants to prove you right. Doesn’t matter what you are thinking — positive or negative — it will go find evidence to make you correct. 

So…if you believe your child's behavior is out of control, your brain will keep showing you evidence to validate that thought pattern. You'll keep witnessing the behaviors that displease you, and it will drive you crazy.

Here’s the good news:

It is possible to shift your focus off of the things that irritate you. 

At first it may seem challenging to shift your focus when certain behaviors really get under your skin. Therefore, the first step is noticing why they bother you. What are you making it mean? 

Now a word of warning — because I can hear some possible kickback saying, “But what if what they are doing is a real problem — as if dangerous or criminal?” 

Of course, there are boundaries you have to set as the parent to guide and protect your child. I’m talking about the fine line between necessary structure and trying to force your child to conform to your desired expectations (so of which you often have not expressed or don’t have their buy-in on). 

Want an indication you are caught looking at the problem?

Notice how other people see your child. Are they picking up the positive attributes in that you seem to miss? Are the things that bother you — specific to only your preferences? 

My story: 

This happened to me. I was annoyed with my kids over things pretty easily. And yet, despite some of the same behaviors and ways they did things happening at school, their teachers praised them and enjoyed their presence. This was a clue for me that there was something I was projecting on my kids that I needed to work through. After some investigation into myself and some coaching to help me process how I was feeling, I was able to release some of my built up tension and find a way to move past the things that originally drove me crazy. 

Why things bother you

When you're so focused on negative factors, you actually lose perspective because your brain in an effort to prove you right and reduce distractions, only lets you see what you have chosen to focus on.

Your problems will begin to grow and even over time seem huge when your viewpoint is limited. Think of being a bug trapped in a room, banging against the window. The exit is just a few feet away but the bug can't see it from its narrow perspective. 

In the same way, the problems in your motherhood experience feel inescapable because your viewpoint has become restricted by focusing on the problems. 

To find freedom, you need to broaden your perspective.

How can you achieve this necessary shift? 

It starts by taking ownership of your thought patterns. You have full control over yourself and the way you think AND that's the only thing you can change. 

Your child has free will to do and say what they desire. You can't guarantee they will think and behave exactly as you want to relieve your problems. 

But when you work on yourself, you can improve the quality of your own life and likely improve your relationship with your kid. 

Inside my 12 week program Evolve Motherhood, I guide moms through this process of taking control of their perspective. We break it down into actionable steps so you develop new thought habits that empower you, instead of dragging you down.

With a broader perspective, you'll be able to identify where problems arise and see new possibilities. What once seemed like unfixable issues can dissolve when viewed through a lens of understanding. 

Though the program focuses on your growth, the changes you experience internally often lead to improved relationships with your kids as well.

If you're ready to stop being weighed down by the problems you see in your kids (and others), join Evolve Motherhood. In just 12 weeks, you'll feel lighter and gain control as perspective expands your world. 

The shift starts within you. Don't remain stuck in a narrow viewpoint filled with pain and problems. Take back your power by evolving the way you think. When you change your perspective, the possibilities are endless.